DEBORAH SUNDAHL is an author, sex educator, workshop facilitator, and seminar leader. Deborah's groundbreaking book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, and her videos (Isis Media), have taught thousands of men and women about the G-spot and female ejaculation. Through her lectures, workshops, and instructional media, Deborah has spread the good news internationally about the G-spot & female ejaculation since 1985. She is a spokesperson for intelligent, positive sexuality, and an advocate for adult sex education. You can read more about her work here www.deborahsundahl.com
Recently, our founder Adela had the honour to talk to Deborah and ask her your burning questions about the G-spot, female pleasure, and female ejaculation.
YOU HAVE BEEN STUDYING THE G-SPOT AND FEMALE EJACULATION FOR 35 YEARS. WHAT MADE YOU INTERESTED IN THESE TOPICS IN THE FIRST PLACE?
At the University in Minnesota in 1980-82, I was a Women’s Studies and History double major. That’s feminism with an emphasis on women’s contributions to civilization around the world throughout time. In a patriarchy, women’s achievements are overlooked, at best. I studied the women behind most famous men. We uncovered the lies, secrets, and silences that diminished women’s status and experiences throughout their lives. This includes her body. The female prostate is a classic example of missing body parts and diminished sexual experience. Check out Massive Reads for the modern update on this topic of acknowledging women’s achievements.
HOW CAN A WOMAN INCREASE THE SENSITIVITY OF HER G-SPOT? DO WE ALL REALLY HAVE ONE?
The G-spot is the female prostate. All women have a prostate, as do all men. And it works! My dental hygienist just the other day was shocked to hear that the female prostate was not vestigial (dried and not functioning), as she was taught in her anatomy classes.
WHAT KIND OF TOUCH, RHYTHM, STROKES, AND MOVES DOES THE G-SPOT LIKE?
Since we are talking about an organ of the body, the prostate, the touch is gentle, the rhythm slow, and the stroke steady yet confident. The entire upper torso, from neck to hips, must move. Any motion will do, as long as it is expressing the pleasure that you feel. Please don’t lay frozen like the Protestant good girl who is trained to not feel erotic pleasure in her body and shamed if she does, so she cuts herself off from the middle down, and makes her mind buzz with thoughts so as to not feel.
WHAT MAKES ONNA PEARL THE BEST TOY FOR EXPLORING THE G-SPOT?
The round, firm ball at the end of the Pearl, and its gentle curved and long shaft (or stem). The gemstone placed at the back of the prostate will easily give you that G-spot orgasm physical sensation, even if you have never had it before! Massage the back of the prostate and a bit of the ‘body’ of the prostate, and breathe and build the sensations of pleasure. Notice I did not use the word ‘stimulate.” Do not rush! Relax and breathe! Massage! Move your body!
WOULD YOU RECOMMEND VIBRATING TOYS FOR THE G-SPOT?
Never! Do not vibrate the prostate. As a secretion gland, be gentle with it! Sure, no one has died having their female prostate/G-spot treated roughly, but now that we know its a prostate, a secretion gland, would you pound away and vibrate other organs of your body, like kidneys or heart? In addition, the clitoris/penis and the male and female prostate have different nerves, therefore different orgasms. One requires rapid stimulation, hold breath, tense up. The other requires the opposite: slow down, breathe, relax.
WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE FEMALE EJACULATE? IS IT PEE?
Both women and men urinate and ejaculate from their urethra. So, we are the same that way! Women were told they do not ejaculate, so since ejaculation feels like the urge to pee, that is what women think they are doing! And, Goddess forbid that any woman pees when she's having sex! Am I right, ladies? So, we don't "pee." We don't ejaculate! Women clamp down with our pelvic floor muscles, and no way will we let that pee out. In fact, 20-30% of women stop in the middle of making love to go to the toilet. The other 40-50% wait until they are done making love, then run to the toilet! That's 80% of women mistaking the urge to ejaculate as pee!! So women are streaming into the doctors thinking they have bladder infections (cystitis) or leaking pee (incontinence). Doctors don't believe in the female prostate because they studied the same information my dental hygienist did, so there you have mass confusion and wasted money, broken bodies (by trying to fix something that is not broken!), and some very unhappy ladies. P.S. Sexuality is not studied at all in medical school.
CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS AT YOUR WORKSHOPS AND WHO THEY ARE FOR?
My weekend workshop (or five-week webinar) begins with an evening prostate anatomy Powerpoint and the basics about the prostate orgasm and its ejaculate. It's usually open to the public and a mixed group. In the next two days, women (only) not only SEE their G-spot, but they also become adept at its location, its size, what its sensations both physical and emotional are, and how to build its orgasmic pleasure and ejaculate. That is true empowerment, to know your own erotic body with your own hands! As well as the support gleaned from the group share. So, when the media lets loose with its annual G-spot scare ("Not All Women Have a G-Spot!" and "Female Ejaculate is Only Urine"), they just laugh and do what the Polynesian women have done for centuries: 'Spray The Wall."
WE HAVE QUESTIONS FROM OUR FOLLOWERS EAGER TO ASK YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING G-SPOT AND FEMALE EJACULATION RELATED.
Thank you! I love answering questions from the women.
How do I learn this on my own and not my partner's fingers?
Take my workshop or read my book. I have practices in there that teach you to understand your prostate step-by-step. Take a G-spot hiatus from your partner until you’ve mastered this on your own.
What's the common misconception about the female orgasm?
That it is a tiny, quiet, Victorian type of orgasm more like a sneeze than a full-bodied, full-blooded "Women Who Run With The Wolves" howl! (I recommend the book by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)
Do you feel a relief after you squirt? Are there connections to psychological effects?
I don't use the word squirt, as it is a rather adolescent porn term and a paltry description of an overflowing, fountainous, glorious, ecstatic and emotional female ejaculation with orgasm from an adult woman. Yes, that description adequately describes the relief one feels to let that fluid out of the body with aplomb and/or grace. Orgasm of this magnitude floods the body with endorphins for a mental health boost. But there is so much more! Read the book on the Vagus nerve (the prostate nerve), and you will find endless and amazing beneficial effects of this orgasm for mind, body, emotions, spirit.
I tend to go into "no" as I feel the sensation coming. How to practice more releasing/embracing?
The no is usually fear of this wild thing that you instinctively feel inside of you, and it wants out! That can be scary only because it is new and unexpected. Whether emotions or fluid or both, just know it is your feminine nature and let go of it!
I feel like I am almost there about to explode, but I don't get there, I don't ejaculate.
Tip: Most women cannot ejaculate with something inside their vagina, so take out the finger, toy, or penis when your pelvic floor muscles are ready to push out the ejaculate.
What's the difference between female lubrication (being wet) and female ejaculation?
Vaginal lubrication is white and sticky inside the vagina and comes from the two glands on each side of the vagina (Bartholin). Female ejaculate is prostatic fluid created by the 32 ducts and glands of the female prostate and is clear fluid that comes out of the urethra. It has no smell, but an uplifting, inspiring essence!
Can everyone do it?
Yes! Because all women have a working prostate. Female ejaculation is prostatic fluid.
I have always been able to squirt, but never to orgasm, I don't get it?
Orgasm and ejaculation are two different and separate functions, in men and in women. One is a release of fluid, the other is the orgasmic sensations of orgasm. So, you've learned the one, but not the other. Stop vibrating, get into your erotic body in a very minute way with your mind and touch awareness, and practice on building the pleasure with the breath, movement and relaxation - as I stated above in this article, and lead you through step-by-step in my book.
Why is it that it happens with a partner, but not on my own?
Many reasons, but two main ones are: 1) your partner knows your body better than you do (please correct that imbalance). 2) Maybe he has been watching the porn videos that teach how to make a woman ejaculate. An often rough technique that squirts fluid out of your body (kind of like pounding on a water-filled balloon where the water will squirt out of the top), and obviously not something that is helpful to you, because it hasn't taught you how to do it on your own. 3) The caring, emotional connection with a partner helps a woman to ejaculate. With erotic self care, we are also making that loving, emotional connection with ourselves.
I had an orgasm just once in my life, the first week after the very first sex. Now I don't. What to do?
Many women have an orgasm or ejaculate for the first time in the their life from a lovely encounter where they felt happy and safe, uninhibited, and the chemistry was exhilarating. Now, welcome back to earth and reality where we need to learn some skills and understand and become acquainted with our erotic bodies. Read and practice the exercises from "Sex For One" by the "Mother of Masturbation," pioneering Betty Dodson, 90-year-old NYC feminist and artist, who has been teaching women to have their first orgasm since the 1960’s.
What is a sexy way to clean it up?
Get off the bed. In fact, get out of the bedroom. Stand up! Ejaculate on the wood floor or the kitchen tile. Throw a towel on it, bend over prettily, and throw it into the washing machine. Wa la! Best is this: Go to the garden! Go out into the woods and forests! The oceans and mountains! Be one with nature!
What's the difference, if any, between a G-spot orgasm and one with ejaculation?
Let Go and Let It Flow! You can orgasm with or without ejaculation, or ejaculate before, during, or after orgasm (or all three!)
Is there any way to preserve it? I love the smell so much I wish I could wear it as a perfume.
As an herbalist (my other love), it is possible to ejaculate into a glass bowl and preserve it into tiny glass bottles. It should keep a week or so, maybe longer. Don't forget to hold this clear liquid to the light and see what tint of color it is, too.
Here is a common question I often get asked: why is there sometimes a urine smell in my ejaculate?
Two reasons primarily: 1) you are pushing too hard; 2) your pelvic floor muscles are weak. That said if this occurs when you are attempting to ejaculate for the first couple of times, ignore it! Instead, focus on the goal of ejaculating, and just let your body sort things out for a while (1-3 months, approximately). After all, your lovely prostate and your body have been told all its life that it can't do this, and so just be gentle and coax it along. Above all, be patient!
Her book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.
Or private guidance and hand holding with Deborah HERE.
©2020 Deborah Sundahl, LLC
About the authors:
Adela is the founder of Onna Lifestyle. She believes that sexual self-care, conscious sexuality, healthy relating and deeper connections with others are vital components of a woman's wellbeing and growth. Her intention is to introduce more beauty and conscious pleasure into every woman's life. Follow her on @onna_lifestyle and @adelideli.