Many people are terrified of anal sex for two main reasons - fear of poop & painful discomfort from penetration. Contrary to myths, anal sex, when done right, feels great and can lead to powerful orgasms for both men and women.
Most people don’t know how to have anal sex so they copy what they see in porn which is usually some form of aggressive fast anal thrusting. Its not surprising that most people do not find that pleasurable. The best anal sex happens when a person who receives it, truly enjoys it!
Between the space of “anal virgin” & “fuck me in my ass” lives a whole set of baby steps of pleasure that you need to explore before going all in.
These are our top tips for exploring anal, for YOUR PLEASURE.
#1 Dirty Shame
There is a lot of shame surrounding what is considered our dirtiest body part so it’s only natural that you are reluctant to try it. It may take some emotional unplugging (pun intended) to free yourself from these feelings. Anal sex can be a messy experience both emotionally and physically. It takes a certain kind of maturity to have anal sex. Allow yourself to feel the emotions which come up. Communicate your fears with your partner. Sometimes, the most pleasurable things in life are animalistic and naughty. Allowing oneself to enjoy this carnal act can be healing for the body and soul.
# 2 Bowel Talk
The fear of poop is real. The best way to keep things mess-free is to have empty bowels. My golden rule for anal sex is to make sure that you poop the same day you have anal sex. So if you have a date in the evening, make sure you go to the bathroom in the morning. This way your bowls are empty and there is NO poop inside of you. Do not have anal sex when constipated or after heavy meals. If you still feel gross, use condoms and keep baby wipes nearby.
Most importantly - NEVER put anything that has been inside the anus, into the vagina without washing it thoroughly with soap. It is unhygienic and can lead to infections.
# 3 Rimming
Rimming is stimulating someone’s anus with mouth & tongue. It feels amazing and is a fantastic introduction to anal pleasure. Before penetrative anal sex, give/receive anal pleasure with tongue. Do it slowly, teasingly & sloppily. Imagine you are french kissing.
# 4 Magic Fingers
Your fingers are your best friends! When your partner is ready, insert 1cm of your index finger inside the anus. Hold it there while stimulating their vagina/penis or slowly twist around for more sensations. You can also set a boundary and agree with your partner that 1-2cm is the maximum you can take this time. This way you can relax into receiving without worrying of them going deeper.
# 5 Butt Plugs
Butt plugs are EPIC pleasure toys! Do not buy cheap, rubber, chemicals toys. Your anus is worth only the most luxurious creations! We love the Adele Brydges porcelain anal plugs. They come in a petite size and are perfect for beginners. Porcelain is known for its beauty and strength. It is also hypoallergenic, incredibly durable and a great conductor of temperature. Most importantly it is smooth, tactile and fun to play with. The anal plugs are multi-functional and can be used as body massagers as well.
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Using anal plugs is a fantastic way to introduce anal penetration without the fear of thrusting or friction. It allows your anus to relax and experience fulfillment. Insert the plug during oral/penetrative sex or even during solo masturbation.
# 6 Lube, lube & more lube!
Use lube of your choice, generously slathering it all over. Do not be shy to reapply it when required. We love all natural lubes as well as coconut oil!
# 7 Relaxation as Pleasure
The golden rule of sex is - the more you relax, the more pleasure you feel! Learn to consciously relax your anus muscles during anal. Don’t worry. You will not poop!Practice with finger or butt plugs first. Notice how your muscles contract whenever something enters your anus. Take a deep breath and relax. Agree with your partner that you will take all the time you need. Your comfort is key to pleasure.
# 8 High Vibrations
A great trick for the ladies is using a clitoral vibrator while having anal penetration. The orgasms intensify by 500%!!! Once a woman orgasms through anal sex, she will be eager to have more of it. Do not be shy, grab that vibrator and place it on your clitoris for yummy sensations!
# 9 Smooth Operator
Using non-vibrating toys for anal sex is great. Try a toy material that is polished smooth such as gemstones, glass, metal or wood. Their smooth finish means they go in and out effortlessly without any friction such as from silicone or rubber. We love the Onna CURVE toy as a great introduction to anal sex. Use either the skinny end as a beginner or the thicker end if you’d like more sensations. Our Onna POINT is also great for beginners as it is the skinniest of our gemstone toys.
# 10 The Right Position
Experiment with different positions and find the ones that work best for you. My favourite is a spooning position. Your partner is able to embrace you from the back, hold you intimately while your hands are free to stimulate yourself for extra added pleasure.
# 11 Go Slow!
We are bombarded with hard-core anal penetration images and most assume that it is the only way to have anal sex. The truth is - the slower you move, the more pleasure you feel.! Going slow also allows the body to get used to the experience and relax in the process. Do not be shy to ask your partner to slow down.
# 12 Anal Warrior
Anal sex is an intimate experience so choose your partners right! Pick someone trustworthy, gentle & loving, someone to penetrate you with passion AND respect. If a partner is not able to handle the physical/emotional messy-ness of anal sex maturely, s/he should not be having it. A supportive sexual partner will be patient and respectful. Remember that what you are doing is sacred and intimate. Be generous with your compliments and gratitude.
# 13 Play
Sometimes it takes a certain sexual angel to inspire you into a new experience. Just because anal sex did not work with your ex, doesn’t meant it will never be good. Give it a try with a new partner & see where that takes you. Remember that a good sense of humour and genuine curiosity will take you to PLEASURE.
Always in the Mood for Love,
About the Author:
Elena is the creator & author of The Yoni Empire. She is a Slow Sex & Pleasure Educator, a sex researcher, writer & lover of all things pleasure-related. She writes shamelessly about female sexuality and eroticism. A self-proclaimed Pussy Whisperer, Elena is the co-founder of Onna Lifestyle brand which designs natural gemstone slow pleasure toys for women. She is on a mission to nourish women, one orgasm at a time - connecting heart, body and mind. Follow her at @the_yoni_empire & @onna_lifestyle.