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Article: What turns him off?

What turns him off?

What turns him off?

This was just one of 20 thought-provoking questions we posed to men who volunteered to candidly share their perspectives on sex, love, pleasure, fantasies, and desires. Their answers range from insightful to surprising, offering a raw and honest glimpse into what shapes their experiences and connections.We’ve compiled their responses to give you a unique opportunity to explore how men think about intimacy and relationships. Whether it’s about emotional barriers, communication, or physical preferences, their words might just resonate with you—or challenge your own ideas.

To all the men who participated: THANK YOU! Your openness and honesty made this conversation truly meaningful. We loved reading your thoughts and insights—you’ve inspired us to keep the dialogue going!

"Being passive in bed."

"Sex without a shower. Bad smell/smelly pussy. Dishonesty. Faking. Planning to have sex."

"When a woman puts on her clothes directly after sex."

"Women that smoke."

"Bad hygiene."

"Criticizing me in the middle of it. I’m happy to learn, but if it feels like I’m being judged while we’re in the moment, it’s a mood killer."

"Dishonesty and mixed signals. Not keeping the promise to keep the intimacy going no matter what the day brings or at least see the want in her eyes when she says she is tired."

"My sex partner is not having fun (for whatever reason - sometimes the mind wanders off mid-foreplay). And feet. I don't like feet stuff. And bad dirty talk."

"Negativity, poor hygiene, lots of time on their phone and not telling me what I'm doing wrong."

"Without trying, just saying no. Bad smell."

"Giving too much negative feedback during sex, i think it's better to talk after, or direct me positively to what you want. Sex is so mental for me, I am too sensitive. It is difficult to be criticized, but I do want to learn and hear what you like and don't like, just in a loving way."

"I think that a bad ambience or aroma of the place."

"Obligation— when sex becomes something on the to-do list or she feels like she has to because it’s my birthday or whatever, and she’s obviously not into it.  “Can we just do a quickie” with no enthusiasm… like asking for it to be done with as soon as possible." 

"Bad odor, bad hygiene and shitty personality. I also love all shapes and sizes. You can change you're body but you can't change your soul."

"Rudeness.  Poor hygiene.  People who are closed minded."

"Being on her phone all the time. If she can’t put her phone down, it feels like I don’t matter in that moment."

"Lack of sensuality. Lack of consciousness and presence. A4 and 3d sex from a patriarchal system where women are not valued and worshipped for the goddesses that they truly are."

"Someone who is overweight."

"Bad smells and poor hygiene!"

"If they are bored or just doing it for my sake. Like they aren’t comfortable saying what they do or don’t want to me." 

"Anything that is not mutually consented. But mostly violence."

"Being taken advantage of is number one,  livers that want and want and never give back. Also sometimes I really like your smells, maybe a little armpit stink the musk of your flower, but being unclean or dirty is a turn off,  I’ve had outdoor sex but never really anything where we got dirty.  Weird, I never thought about it until right now.  But I actually like showering with a woman. I’ll have to sit with it so that there may be something there."

"When she’s clearly not into it. If she’s just going through the motions or wants to get it over with, it’s a huge turn-off."

"In general, I need to feel that she's up for it otherwise I won't get turned on to begin with."

"Degrading acts and pain turns me off too. I'll be happy to pull her hair and slap her ass though, if that turns her on."

1) Faking anything - including noises or compliments. I will see through it. It's not connective or honest. 2) Low self esteem - if I'm with you in the bedroom I think you're hot and I'm attracted to you. If I tell you that you are beautiful don't shrug it off and get weird energy. Accept the authentic compliment. 3) Too much talking during the sexual acts. I love talking at the beginning and can talk during aftercare. But I want our bodies to talk in the middle, besides small flirty phrases which are totally a turn on. 4) No oral. If you don't give blowjobs or are ashamed of me licking your pussy we are probably not a match. I love it. Make sure you are willing to let me get down there becuase I fucking love it. 5) Either going too fast or not being willing to have multiple orgasms. Take your time with my body. Make me a meal. I want to make you a meal. Slow and intentional is more effective with my body.  
 
"The quickest turn off for me is if I get it in my head that there is a performance going on. That my woman is doing something that she doesn't really want to be doing, or doing it to end the sexual experience.  Also, if I'm touched too fast or hard, if I'm not in that mood yet or feel pressured in any way to perform."

"Total silence in bed. I don’t need a lot of noise, but some kind of feedback would be nice—silence just feels awkward."

"Humiliation, degradation, violence, smoking."

"Poor hygiene. Being timid and body conscious."

"Constantly apologizing for her body. If I’m with her, it means I’m into her, but when she doesn’t believe me, it’s kind of a buzzkill."

"Insecurity."

"When the children are in bed, finally, and we have to clean up the house...after that, it's difficult to turn me on."

"A lack of focus or interest in our moments of love-making.  Because I love the deep emotional connection, I can tell immediately if we are not together.  I struggle with everyday life impacting this connection.  I am turned on almost 24 hours a day by my wife.  When she cannot, or does not want to reciprocate, I struggle to fight through and make those moments happen."

"Knowing my woman isn't turned on or enjoying herself."

"Not willing to try new things. If she shuts down ideas right away, it makes things feel boring and one-sided."

"Trying too hard to make it perfect. I’d rather have something real and fun than feel like I’m part of some performance."

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