We tend to assume that a secure and loving relationship will create a space for long-term hot sex.
Novelty sex seems to flow effortlessly in the first 12 months of the relationship. One look from your partner and you are dripping with desire for them, a constant state of turn-on.
So why do most couples find themselves being in love yet being out of sex 3, 5, 10 years down the line?
If novelty is no longer there to excite you. What is left?
The first step to hot sex in long-term relationships is understanding how your own libido operates. What does your personal erotic expression look like? What do YOU need in order to feel sexually nourished?
What turns YOU on?
What excites YOU sexually?
What differentiates average sex from amazing sex for YOU?
Great sex is 10% skills and 90% state of mind. Once you know what you like, you are able take the steps to “feed your libido” and to share your needs with a lover.
Great sex is about understanding and playing with eroticism. Eroticism is a creative expression of our sexuality, individual’s pursuit of life’s pleasures. Eroticism is what turns YOU on, what fuels your desire and nourishes you on sensual and sexual levels.
There are no right or wrong ways of expressing eroticism. Every person’s eroticism is different so what turns you on may not work for others. While one person may experience turn on from romantic music, sexy whispers and sensual touch another is craving rough touch, mind games and spanking. One of the main reasons why couples struggle with desire in long-term relationships is because they do not understand what fuels desire. Once the honeymoon period is over, both partners find themselves dumbfounded on how to get turned on.
The most important question is - DO YOU KNOW WHAT TURNS YOU ON?
According to Jaiya, an international award-winning sexologist with 20+ years of work in somatic sexology, there are 5 ways people are sexually wired. Working with thousands of clients she noticed repeating patterns of turn on and turn off and that people fell into Erotic Personality Types. She named them Erotic Blueprints.
Erotic Blueprint is the sexual language which you speak - the way you give and receive sexual and sensual pleasure.
Our erotic wiring is responsible for our most memorable sexual experiences, peak orgasms, sexual attractions, choices in erotic films, fantasies and kinks.
Erotic Blueprints are the key to better sex!
Although we encompass parts of each Erotic Blueprint, there is usually a dominant one responsible for our most horny experiences. Jaiya created an Erotic Blueprint QUIZ to determine individual blueprints.
The 5 Erotic Blueprints are:
- Shape Shifter
Blueprint work will get you in touch with you eroticism and understanding what your body and mind truly desire and the kind of sex that gifts you pleasure. It is the key to fuelling your libido within relationships.
Erotic Blueprint work nourishes you beyond novelty sex.
Jaiya teaches individuals and couples how to nurture their sexuality within relationships with the Erotic Blueprints. Her online course takes people from A to Z with the Blueprint system, giving them tools to maximise depth of connection and sexual satisfaction within themselves and with any lover. The 8 week in-depth online course goes beyond the commercial sex tips. It is a complete immersion into who you are sexually and how to nourish your erotic self. Its about boosting your erotic confidence, asking for your needs, sharing your desires, healing your sexuality and deepening a connection to yourself and your partner.
No more seduction fails.
No more sexual starvation.
No more feelings of rejection.
No more miscommunication about your sexual needs.
We love Jaiya’s work because, just like Onna Lifestyle, it is all about personal sexual expansion - gifting yourself the freedom to be YOU.
Our work is in perfect alignment.
About the authors:
Elena and Adela are the founders of Onna Lifestyle and self-proclaimed Pleasure Cheerleaders. They believe that healthy sexuality and sexual self-care are important components of health and overall wellbeing. Their intention is to introduce more beauty and conscious pleasure into every woman's life. Follow them on @onna_lifestyle.